I was taught to believe that I would be recognized and rewarded if I worked hard. But there have been plenty of times when that wasn’t true.
In my blog Worthiness and Meritocracy in Conservation, I explain that meritocracy suggests success is earned through ability and effort. But in conservation, worthiness is often assigned by gatekeepers, not through a fair evaluation of skills and experiences.
So, what happens when your qualifications and contributions don’t matter because someone else in power decides you need to shrink?
A Personal Story: The Price of Being “Too Much”
It started with a phone call. A few days before a full-day event I was facilitating, a man—who had already been embedded as a coach for this group—asked me to dumb down my material. I remember feeling uneasy about it because I knew my work was solid. Still, I agreed to adjust, thinking I was making a reasonable concession for the group.
The real fallout happened later. A month after the session, I was speaking with a participant about the group feedback and pointed out that it wasn’t accurate because I had been asked to adjust my content multiple times. When I explained that I had been told to simplify the material, that conversation somehow morphed into a damaging rumor—one that questioned my competence and credibility.
And then he spread it. Instead of correcting the record, this man carried the false narrative straight to the people in power—the ones with the ability to remove me. And they did.
That’s when I realized this was never about my actual ability. It was about controlling the narrative. He had positioned himself as the trusted voice in the group, while I became a disposable outsider. He dictated how my work was perceived, and in doing so, he dictated my fate.
When I confronted him and asked, What do you really think of me? His response was chillingly simple: “You’re too much.”
Women reading this know exactly what that phrase means:
“Please shrink because I can’t handle you (and your wisdom, your abilities, your presence).”
And yet, after all of this, who was rewarded? He was. He was granted an ongoing position as the group’s permanent coach.
It wasn’t about merit. It wasn’t about skill. It was about power, controlling the narrative, and making sure I took up less space.
The Power of the Untouchables
Some people seem untouchable—individuals in positions of power who remain insulated from consequences, no matter their actions. They are the gatekeepers, the ones who decide who belongs, who advances, and who is seen as worthy.
In my Worthiness and Meritocracy blog, I shared the story of a Black man in conservation who was repeatedly passed over for promotion—even after training the very people who were promoted ahead of him. His story highlights a painful truth: promotions and career advancement are often shaped by subjective judgments rather than transparent criteria.
But untouchables don’t just control who moves up—they control the entire narrative. They decide how people are perceived, what stories are told, and who gets erased.
- They manipulate perception to protect themselves while making others appear incompetent or difficult.
- When challenged, they discredit, gaslight, or shift blame onto others.
- Those in power often remove the challenger instead of addressing the real problem.
This is how harmful leaders stay in power. Instead of holding them accountable, organizations reinforce their influence because they are seen as indispensable. Their version of events becomes the truth—not because it’s accurate, but because they have positioned themselves as the trusted voice.
Meanwhile, those who push for real change—the ones who ask hard questions or advocate for equity—are more likely to be dismissed as too much.
The result?
- Untouchables remain protected.
- Gatekeepers preserve the status quo.
- Those who challenge the system are silenced, leaving the field unchanged.
When Merit Doesn’t Matter
Worthiness in conservation is often tied to perception and politics rather than skill or contribution.
People can internalize this as a personal failing rather than recognizing the system is flawed. The man I mention in my previous blog recognized this system failure:
“He questioned his own worth and decided to leave for a place that would appreciate his value.”
Many who push for equity and change are labeled as too much, difficult, or disruptive, while those who uphold the existing system are seen as professionals.
So if you hear these words, recognize them as red flags—not reflections of your actual worth. They are the system protecting itself.
Please don’t internalize them.
Breaking the Cycle: What We Can Do
As I’ve stated previously:
“I will continue to struggle with meritocracy and worthiness and how to provide opportunities to others who are also worthy.”
I am not an expert—I am aware, learning, and growing.
But I do know this:
We need to move beyond external validation (and this one is extra hard for me) and define success and worthiness on our own terms.
Reflection Questions
- Have you ever doubted your worth because someone else controlled the narrative?
- Have you seen talented people sidelined while others advanced undeservedly?
Ways to Challenge the System
- Recognize narrative control – Who benefits from a given version of events? In my case, the man who spread a false rumor benefitted.
- Support those being erased – Speak up when talented, thoughtful people are pushed out. If something feels off, talk to those most negatively impacted.
- Redefine worthiness – Move beyond seeking validation from gatekeepers. True success is about impact and alignment with values. Plus, it feels good to live in integrity.
- Demand transparency – Advocate for clear, equitable decision-making rather than favoritism. Criteria for decisions should always be available.
Closing: Reclaiming Our Own Stories
Success doesn’t always look like institutional recognition—it can be about impact, purpose, and alignment with personal values.
I still hurt and have been financially impacted by one man’s narrative control. But I can hold my head high knowing that many others value my work and that I did my best despite his efforts to erase me.
The illusion of meritocracy persists because power is comfortable.
But real change happens when we stop accepting untouchables and start rewriting the rules.
Final Thoughts
Meritocracy may be a myth, but meaning, impact, and purpose are not.
The work we do matters, even when the system refuses to acknowledge it.
💡 Remain solid in your own value and worth.
What would conservation look like if we truly valued merit—not just power?
More resources
Johnson, S. K. (2020). Inclusify: The power of uniqueness and belonging to build innovative teams. Harper Business
Markovits, D. (2019). The meritocracy trap: How America’s foundational myth feeds inequality, dismantles the middle class, and devours the elite. Penguin Press.
McNamee, S. J., & Miller, R. K. (2014). The meritocracy myth (3rd ed.). Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.