Let’s be real. Some days, it feels easier to push emotions down, check off the boxes, and pretend everything’s fine. That emotional silence was the norm in my family—and, as it turns out, also the unspoken rule in much of my conservation career. But it’s costing us our health, our connection, and our purpose. What we need now is emotional inclusion in the workplace. Here are five shifts that helped me move beyond merely managing emotions to truly including them.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Mask
I sometimes say that my family’s motto is “Cry and I’ll give you something to cry about.” Underneath, it sent the signal: Your pain is not my problem. Get over it—fast. If I expressed emotions at all, it was only in front of my mother. While conservation wasn’t always that extreme, it still carried the clear message that emotions, especially sadness, weren’t welcome.
When I was dealing with urban deer management or wildlife damage issues, I had to maintain “professionalism.” That is the code word for remaining stoic and providing the canned answers we’ve trained you to give. I once expressed my frustration, and I was instantly labeled a troublemaker.
Frankly, I don’t ever recall a time when emotions were welcome.
So, step one is to name the mask—or masks—you’ve worn to survive. Reflect on this question: Where did you learn that emotions were not safe or welcome?
Step 2: Learn the Language of Emotions
In a national conservation leadership program, emotional intelligence was a core component. It was a step in the right direction, but it predominantly focused on cognitive aspects. We didn’t discuss emotions in the body or how to identify them in real time.
Having come from a lifetime of emotional suppression, I’ve had to practice (and still do) sensing and naming my emotions as they arise. One emotion I’ve learned to recognize is rejection. Often, it signals that I’m feeling undervalued or unaccepted. When I can name it and pause to ask, ‘Is that really what’s going on here?’ the answer is often no.
I’ve used the Gottman feeling wheel in my workshops. Sometimes, I ask people to name a feeling after a tough activity. Other times, I have them provide a feeling word at both the beginning and end of my workshops to see how people have shifted. I let people know that if you are like me and weren’t allowed to express emotions since childhood, this can be a long learning process. Just having the wheel handy to refer to when a feeling arises, so that you can name it accurately, is a significant step toward emotional inclusion in the workplace.
A practice I recommend is setting a timer for 2-3 times throughout the day. When it goes off, write down the emotion word or words that come to mind. Also, note any unmet needs that the emotion suggests.
Step 3: Go Deeper—From Naming to Embodying
Emotional inclusion begins when we stop “managing” emotions and start “welcoming” them. When you begin to feel a heavy emotion, name it. Then, immediately identify where that emotion manifests in the body. Every emotion leaves a fingerprint on the body.
Here’s what I’ve noticed in mine. Reflecting on my feelings of rejection, I recognize that it manifests in my body as a burning sensation along a line just above my heart. Fear appears as a sort of armor over my chest. Rage feels like someone is pushing me forward from my back, asking, “Aren’t you going to do something about that?” After practicing some of these emotions for a while, I might even notice that bodily sensation before I can recognize the emotion itself.
With positively toned words, we also need to sit with them longer than is comfortable. Joy manifests for me as a warming sensation across the upper part of my chest, just below my throat, as if I wanted to yell from the rooftops. However, it’s surprising how quickly my body wants to push that sensation away at times, as if it’s not okay to experience joy. Our bodies need that feeling of pleasure and delight to rely on when times are tough.
Once you’ve named and identified the bodily sensations of emotions, ask yourself: What is the emotion trying to tell me? Is that what’s really happening—or is it reflecting something from the past that’s being projected onto the present?
Try practicing the naming and locating of your emotions in your body while being curious about what they express, doing this once a day for a week. Observe the patterns that emerge. You might even begin mapping the emotions onto a simple drawing of the body. The more you practice, the faster the process will happen in future situations. And here’s a bonus practice—try this during team check-ins.
Step 4: Create Brave Spaces, Not Safe Silences
Even if you’re doing your inner work, emotions can’t thrive in isolation. We need collective permission to show up fully. Emotional inclusion must be systemic. Regularly naming emotions within a team can foster a stronger sense of bonding and support, as long as individuals are not judged or gaslighted (i.e., told they shouldn’t have that emotion) for feeling them.
Here are some ways this might manifest on your team.
- A one-word emotion check-in at the start of team meetings.
- Team circles after an event or project to express grief, frustrations, and joy.
- Having a leader who openly shares their emotional state during a meeting, especially when it’s hard.
Don’t assume that silence means people are okay. These practices might feel foreign at first. They did for me. Over time, it becomes a standard practice. I’ve had teams like this that handle the check-in piece so well that they’ll remind me if I forget. People want to know they aren’t alone in their struggles and want to feel a sense of celebration when things are going well. We need places that allow us to bring both our minds and our bodies to work, because feelings don’t stay at the door. Brave spaces like these are the building blocks of emotional inclusion in the workplace, where people feel seen, supported, and safe to be real
Step 5: Let Yourself Belong to the Work
I’ve worked with teams where emotional check-ins became a catalyst for care. Once the practice took hold, it created a natural rhythm of support. If someone says they are tired, sad, or feeling down, others start asking how they can help. When people really aren’t well, I often reschedule. Most of my work is well planned, so there is always some wiggle room. Giving people space when they need it most is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your colleagues.
When crises occur, natural disasters strike, or even when legislative sessions seem to gut programs, sometimes all people need is a space to express their grief and loss. Creating space for emotional truth is a collective act of care, and the heart of emotional inclusion in the workplace, especially in fields such as conservation. We can’t do any of this work alone. When one is suffering, we all suffer.
Post-COVID, the clearest message I’ve heard—again and again—is this: people want to know they aren’t alone. In a recent survey I’ve been conducting, the top need people indicated is having a space where they can speak honestly about the tough things they’re facing.
If you can’t hold spaces where people can express the emotional toll of conservation and environmental work, please find someone who can. People are passionate about the work, but the emotional load is too heavy to carry alone. They want the truth – out loud. When cognitive, emotional, and passionate aspects come together, we feel more like we can fully belong to this work.
Conclusion: The Path Is Messy—and Worth It
Please note that this work takes time, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime hiding. I wish I could say it is easy. As individuals, most of us need more practice with our emotions. At a team level, I know of only a few that are implementing some of these practices. Those who express feelings are more cohesive as a team. If we want people to stay in this work, we must normalize emotional inclusion in the workplace as a cultural practice, not a personal luxury.
If you’re tired of masking, maybe it’s time to belong – to yourself, your team, and the work you love.
- Acknowledge the emotional masks you wear.
- Build a vocabulary for what you’re feeling.
- Listen to the body’s emotional signals.
- Create space for honest expression, individually and collectively.
- Support one another through the hard and celebrate the good.
I’ve created an Emotional Inclusion 5-Step Worksheet. Please feel free to email me or send a LinkedIn message, and I’d be happy to share this resource with you. Additionally, don’t hesitate to reach out for any of my related workshops or to customize something for your group.
Written by Michelle Doerr