I wrote this blog about leadership and eating disorders as a way to connect my current work here at Anavah Consulting LLC to my latest venture. This week, my daughter and I released our book Grapevine: A Mother and Daughter’s Tangled Journey Through an Eating Disorder. There are so many lessons for leadership from this journey, more than can be mentioned in a short blog. Information about purchasing the book will be below.
Introduction
Parenting a child through an eating disorder is a journey fraught with challenges, uncertainties, and broad emotional experiences. As a parent, navigating this journey not only demanded resilience and empathy but also revealed crucial lessons about leadership. The insights gained from this personal experience have transcended into valuable leadership principles that can be applied in various professional settings. In this blog, I will share key leadership lessons learned through the lens of parenting an eating disorder, exploring how systems thinking, empowering people, humanizing leadership, and trusting intuition can transform our approach to leading others.
Systems Thinking: Seeing the Bigger Picture
One of the most significant lessons learned from this journey is the importance of systems thinking. In the early stages of my child’s eating disorder, it became clear that addressing only the visible symptoms was not enough. To effectively support her recovery, we needed to understand the broader context—both internal and external factors—that contributed to her condition. Because eating disorders effect the family, we also had to consider how intertwined we were in the journey. We wrote a book that has just been released entitled Grapevine: A Mother and Daughter’s Tangled Journey Through an Eating Disorder.
Systems thinking in leadership requires a similar approach. Leaders must recognize that issues within an organization are often interconnected and influenced by numerous factors. Both internally with the individuals and externally in team dynamics, culture, and environmental conditions. Instead of tackling problems in isolation, it is crucial to understand the underlying systems and dynamics at play. By adopting a holistic perspective, leaders can identify root causes, anticipate potential ripple effects, and implement more effective and longer-term solutions.
In practice, this means looking beyond immediate challenges and considering how various aspects of the organization—such as culture, processes, and external influences—interact with each other. For instance, when addressing low employee morale, a systems thinking approach would involve examining factors like workload, communication patterns, and organizational culture, rather than simply implementing superficial fixes.
Empowering People: Trust and Autonomy
Another critical lesson is the importance of empowering people. During my child’s struggle, I realized that overprotecting and micromanaging her often hindered her progress and created deeper entanglement. Instead, giving her the autonomy to make decisions and navigate her own path (once she met her goal weight) was essential for her full recovery and future independence.
In the workplace, this principle is equally relevant. Leaders often fall into the trap of micromanaging, driven by the desire to maintain control. However, this approach stifles creativity, limits innovation, and undermines employees’ confidence. Trusting your team and empowering them to take ownership of their work fosters a culture of accountability and encourages individuals to bring their best ideas forward.
To empower your team effectively, it is important to establish clear boundaries and expectations while allowing flexibility in how tasks are accomplished. Provide the necessary resources and support but resist the urge to dictate every detail. Remember, you hired your team for their expertise—let them demonstrate their gifts and capabilities.
Furthermore, empowering people also involves recognizing their potential and encouraging their growth. Just as my child needed space to develop her independence, employees benefit from opportunities to expand their skills and take on new challenges. Offer mentorship, provide training, and create an environment where continuous learning is prized.
Humanizing Leadership: Empathy and Validation
Throughout the journey of parenting an eating disorder, the importance of humanizing leadership became evident. Behind every challenge, there is a person experiencing pain, fear, and uncertainty. It is essential to approach these challenges with empathy, curiosity, and a genuine desire to understand others’ perspectives. I did not do that well with my child and neither did the medical system.
In leadership, humanizing your approach means prioritizing empathy and validation. Acknowledge the emotions and experiences of your team members and avoid dismissing or minimizing their concerns. Gaslighting—denying or invalidating someone’s reality—creates a toxic environment and erodes trust. Instead, create a safe space where individuals feel heard, valued, and supported.
To humanize leadership, start by being curious about your team’s emotions and perspectives. Ask open-ended questions, actively listen, and show genuine interest in their well-being. When faced with challenges, address them with compassion and understanding, rather than solely focusing on performance metrics or outcomes. Make sure difficult meetings have plenty of space for these things to show up.
Moreover, fostering a culture of empathy involves recognizing the humanity behind every interaction. Celebrate successes, offer support during challenging times, and build relationships based on mutual respect and trust. By prioritizing the human aspect of leadership, you create an environment where individuals feel valued and motivated to contribute their best efforts.
Trusting Intuition and Building Community: Balancing Support and Independence
Parenting through an eating disorder taught me the delicate balance between trusting intuition and building a supportive community. Throughout the journey, there were moments when something didn’t feel right, and my intuition guided me to question the status quo and seek alternative solutions.
In leadership, trusting your intuition is a valuable skill. When something feels off, don’t ignore it. Take the time to examine your gut feelings and explore whether they are based on past experiences or genuine concerns. Trusting your intuition allows you to identify potential issues early and make informed decisions that align with your values and goals.
However, intuition should not be the sole guiding force. Building a community of supporters and experts is equally important. Just as I relied on a network of professionals and loved ones to navigate my child’s recovery, leaders benefit from surrounding themselves with diverse perspectives and seeking input from others.
Collaborative leadership involves recognizing that you don’t have all the answers and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Foster an environment where team members feel comfortable asking for assistance, sharing their expertise, and working together towards common goals. By leveraging the collective wisdom and support of your community, you can navigate challenges more effectively and achieve better outcomes.
Conclusion
Parenting through an eating disorder has been a frightening yet enlightening journey, revealing profound lessons about leadership. Embracing systems thinking, empowering people, humanizing leadership, and trusting intuition are principles that have transformed my approach to leading others. By recognizing the interconnectedness of challenges, trusting and empowering your team, prioritizing empathy, and balancing intuition with community support, you can create a more resilient, innovative, and compassionate organization.
As leaders, we must remember that behind every challenge lies a human experience. By applying these lessons, we can navigate complexities with greater understanding and create environments where individuals and teams thrive. Just as my child’s recovery required patience, trust, and empathy, effective leadership demands a commitment to these principles. Let us embrace these lessons and lead with compassion, courage, and a deep sense of purpose.
For more on Grapevine
Currently, only the eBook is available through Amazon for use on Kindle. Please leave us a review, if you choose this option. Soft copies are only available through my daughter and me for a few weeks and through our BOOKSHOP, after which they will be available online, wherever books are sold (approximately September 6th). You can also follow us on Instagram @GrapevineTheBook. We’ll also post more on LinkedIn, so please connect with me there, if you haven’t already done so.
